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Marketing that frames toys as stand-ins for absent partners, or solutions to sexual problems, doesn't help, adds Amy Boyajian of toy maker and retailer Wild flower silicone kegal balls. It leads people — especially straight cis men who rarely engage with toys — to view interest in toys as an attack on their sexual performance, or as sexual competition. The hesitation often stems, at least in part, from persistent beliefs that toys are for solo play, while sex is about two people meeting each other’s every want and need with their bodies alone, explains Fosnight. In 1998, the cast of Sex and the City went vibrator shopping.

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