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Instead, keep talking, in that first conversation and later on, about the kinds of sensations you both enjoy or are interested in exploring and how you could see toys playing into the sex you already have. Encourage each other to think outside the box of genital stimulation. From that place of understanding, you can start to dive more fully into toys. Bringing sex toys into partnered sex can open up entirely new realms of pleasure for everyone involved. Gabrielle Kassel (she/her) is a queer sex educator and wellness journalist who is committed to helping people feel the best they can in their bodies. In addition to Healthline, her work has appeared in publications such as Shape, Cosmopolitan, Well+Good, Health, Self, Women’s Health, Greatist, and more!

One thing to keep in mind, users say, is to start off slowly and work your way up to the higher settings. When opening up a conversation about using a vibrator with a partner for the first time, start in a playful way. Some people have hesitant or even negative reactions to sex toys based on their own experiences.

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